Couples nowadays are trying to navigate multiple roles in one, such as being each other’s best friend, business partner, and lover. With life happening, relationships automatically change in different ways. Sometimes, certain roles get put in front of others, even though all three roles are equally important.
Early on in your relationship, you probably did things together which were enjoyable and fun. Chances are that these activities could have been done by yourself or with other friends, but you chose to do them together. However, as life evolved, conflict grew and tensions tightened, you may have stopped doing activities together. Those fun, enjoyable, and close times that happened from shared activities have become fewer and as a result, you have lost enthusiasm for each other.
This is a common theme with a lot of couples that I see; they feel stuck in an old cycle of just being business partners who live together. If this feels like your relationship, you are not alone. There are ways to reawaken and activate your relationship again so that all three roles are being equally cared for.
Acts of Kindness
First and foremost, to be able to reawaken your relationship, you can be more loving, caring, and considerate towards your partner. If you think back on when your relationship started, you probably did this all the time. Buying a coffee for them when they did not expect it, taking them out for a surprise dinner date, or even just buying them flowers to show them you were thinking about them.
You used to do these actions without expecting anything in return and with no strings attached. There are endless possibilities of actions that you used to do for your partner that you have probably not done in a long time. Even though these acts seem small and unimportant, they had a huge impact on your relationship early on because it shows your partner that you love them, and you are thinking about them. It’s the little things that count.
Enjoying Time Together
I understand that life is busy, and it is probably hard to spend as much time with your partner as you used to. I get it, but that doesn’t mean you cannot be intentional about the time you do get with them. Make a weekly date night a priority, where you guys go and engage in fun activities together. Start with things that you used to do all the time with each other, or even start a list of ideas of things you can do with each other. Continue to add things to that list as the ideas come.
Engaging in fun activities together is an essential piece of being a couple. It gives you time to let down your guard and even rekindle past shared experiences with each other that are not just chores or activities that you have to do. As you start to brainstorm new ideas for activities to do together, keep in mind that these activities don’t have to break the bank. Consider things that you used to do together, maybe common stories that come up in conversation, like a memorable hiking experience, kayaking, or going to a concert or show. There are plenty of different activities to do with each other where you will both will find enjoyment.
If you feel like this post really resonates with you, but you can’t see yourself being able to do this in your relationship right now due to a number of factors, again I remind you, you are not alone. It’s okay to seek support, and I am more than willing to meet with you both to provide the support you are looking for. We will work together to reconcile past experiences, live in the present and work towards the future to be able to live a meaningful life together. Don’t hesitate to call today!
Written by therapist Alex Parlette
More Optimum Joy Articles
Sometimes Disney movies are spot on with the emotions, questions or thoughts that you or I have felt. This can be said about the story of Mulan, Simba in the Lion King, and of Elsa from the movie Frozen. Each character is on a journey of transformation, one that has...
We avoid the most important conversations in our lives for fear we’ll make distressing situations worse, yet our silence causes chronic stress from sustained, unresolved conflict. Several years ago I read a business book called Crucial Conversations, which I continue...
It’s a busy season as fall comes around; when kids are going back to school, sports are starting up again, and couples start to get wrapped up not only in their jobs, but their kids schedule as well. Alan Fruzzetti talks about how to optimize your time together in his...